Friday, January 6, 2017

Chapter 1: Cinderella

Cinderella

Her Happily Ever After:


"With the help of a Fairy Godmother, Cinderella went to the ball where she danced with the Prince and they fell madly in love. At Midnight she had to leave as the magic wore off, but one of her magical Glass Slippers was left behind for the Prince to use it to find her. After searching the whole Kingdom he finally found her, despite her evil step sisters and step mother's best efforts. Her foot was the only one that fit the shoe and the Prince found his Princess."

My Attempt:

So this is one of my favorite Fairy Tales out there, however we can all agree that her entire problem would have been solved with a cell phone. However a cell phone is more often the center of mine.
That and a lack of Fairy Godmother.
Well, eHarmony and OK Cupid come close, I guess. I refuse to Tinder and the reason why is my particular Glass Slipper. You see, I don't sleep around. Not in the flippant, I am picky or no girl wants to be labeled after a particular garden tool kind of way and I'll probably delve into this more during Aurora's week but simply put I have a ton of control issues, religious upbringing and am waiting for marriage.
I. E.- My Glass Slippers have "Never Been Worn" to put it delicately.
This seems to prevent me from securing an invitation and going to the Ball, as it were.
By removing the "hook up" part of a hook-up dating culture, I never get extended the invitation to the Ball, and frequently if I do make it out of the App phase of talking I never get a 2nd date. It has literally been a YEAR since my last 2nd date, and he took me to see the Good Guys. Yes the movie with Russell Crowe and Ryan Gosling about the 80s Porn Industry. Great date material, let me tell you.
He did not get another text back.
I digress. So many guys these days have unfortunately been bombarded with the pressure to have as many dance partners on their dance card as they can, either for pride or social pressure, that talking and enjoying the rest of the night, and possibly seeing the princess again after the ball is over, is no longer their concern.
Which is tragic really.
So many women spend their entire time trying to catch a man's eye in a sea of sex and instant gratification that most exchanges boil down to:
"Hey?" "Hey." " Ur Hot." "Thnx" "Hk Up?" "No" "Nudes?" "No" "Ur Ugly, B*tch" or something to that matter.
(Side Note: That literally taxed my brain to try and remember how not to text in complete sentences and just solidified that I am way too old to be having these conversations)
This last weekend alone I had what I thought was a great date with a pretty cute guy. Yes he was younger than me, but he more than made up with it in looks and charm. Until our whole conversation revolved around the shape, style and frequency I wear my Glass Slipper.
Let me tell you I am SO tired of talking about my Glass Slipper that I am more than ready to just throw the darn thing out and get Fuzzy Cat Slippers instead.
I want to wear my Glass Slippers to my wedding, not before. If I wear them before they may chip, crack, tarnish or cause me pain from being worn that they will become something I dread not look forward to wearing. So many of my friends tell me the horror stories of what has happened to their Glass Slippers that I just... Anyways.
I want to be something more than footwear, and told him that. I texted him that day later telling him I had a great time and wanted to see if he wanted to go on a 2nd date.
I did not get a text back.
Its gotten to the point where I lead with it. I'm not shy about it, but having unworn footwear is starting to feel like a curse. Less Cinderella, more Ella Enchanted.
Irony is there is another side to the coin. For every man that wishes to "convert" my footwear status I have others praising me for it. Most people in fact when they hear about the pristine status of my Glass Slippers tell me how they wish they had kept theirs like mine. Or even better drop out of the Fairy Godmother pool because they know that my shoes arent practical for their lifestyle. I dont mind those, they are at least pleasant about it.
There are days when I feel maybe breaking in my slippers may just be the best thing for everyone. And Ironically Cinderella gives me hope.
Despite all of this I do believe Prince Charming is still out there. He may even be one of the poor souls trying to search for my through my Fairy Godmother (aka Dating Apps).
But Balls are loud, and it took Charming quite some time to find her, especially since he had so many women trying to pass themselves off as the perfect fit for Cinderellas shoes. No one else told her how and when to wear it, so neither will I.
But for now, Prince Charming is still stuck in traffic...

The Prologue

Every girl grows up with the story of Cinderella. How he so romantically searches the globe for his one true love and reunites over dramatic footwear and an even more dramatic kiss that ends with a lavish wedding and riding off into the sunset. 

Really, it actually explains a lot about women, especially our obsession with shoes.

It also encapsulates everything that is wrong with women dating in the 21st Century.

We have this idea that the perfect man is sitting on a horse, pining away for his perfect girl who then moves heaven and earth to find her... sounds amazing, right? 


Here is the problem.
Prince Charming tends to be a 20-something, in his cousin's run down Honda Civic who's only interest is hooking up with one of the 30 girls he swiped right on Tinder last night, and is stuck in traffic while trying to figure out how to pay for only one drink tonight but still get the girl.
The Princess isn't always a peach either.
I know my Glass Slipper is not the most comfortable thing to wear for long periods of time, especially since I live in LA.
And Prince Charming is Stuck in Traffic.
Its actually becoming a running joke between myself and my friends. If you stick around with me on my journey you'll find out why.
But who am I? Well I am a 27 year old Single White Female in LA trying to navigate the dating pools of living in a large urban area while still sticking to that idea of a "Happily Ever After" and more.
This isn't going to be some bashing on happiness and fairytales, in fact quite the opposite. You see I work at the "Happiest Place on Earth" and am surround by happily ever afters every day both on and off the page.
Because they tell you go with that you know that is how I will frame my quest for the ending of my story.
WITH PRINCESSES!!!
Each week I will look at a famous Princess or Leading Lady and her HEA (because I am already getting tired of writing it) and analyze my attempts in the modern day. Some may work, some may not, but all will be told here so that I can use the Internet as my therapy and decompress from my horrors dates.
So now that the Prologue is finished lets head to Chapter 1!!